First of all let me take a moment
here to admit that I have a bunch of different posts started but for some
reason I never get around to finishing. I can’t even count how many days I
think of something and then make a point to blog about it, unfortunately either
the kids, the house, the family or training get on the way and I never get to
finish them. BUT this one has been on the ‘works’ for a couple of weeks now and
I wanted to post it before I realize is too late and I don’t want to talk about
it anymore.
So….
Follow your heart! You're more likely to succeed at
something you love.
How many times have you heard that quote
or a variation of it? But really, is it that easy to find what you love?
I am going through what some people
might call mid-life crisis, I find myself almost at 40 living a life that I
would have never imagine for me and yet I keep asking myself ‘what ifs’.
Growing up I always knew I wanted
to have kids, 4 to be exact. I was not so thrilled about the idea of meeting
somebody, getting married and spending the rest of your life with that same
person. I would say at times I was against marriage, up until I was in my late
20s I would have never thought I would end up marrying somebody. Then I met
Sami, fell in love and the rest is history.
Part of my aversion to marriage was
the fact that I have always been so independent. I don’t like to think my life
and future is on somebody else’s hands. I come from a culture where people grow
up, get married, have kids and live their whole lives in the same town.
I obviously was not part of the
norm. At the age of 24 I came to the States and made it my home. Needless to
say it was not easy to make my parents and family understand that I was not
like everybody else back there, I wanted a different life and I was not happy
with what I had. Instead of waiting for a change to come by I made the change
and moved here.
I studied psychology back home with
the hopes of one day being able to work with kids. I came here in the middle of
my studies, once I came I knew I wanted to do something different. So, I
studied marketing. I worked full time to put myself through school, I come from
a rather large family and as much as my parents would love to accommodate all
their kids’ wishes supporting my new life style across the Pacific is not
something they could afford.
Before moving here and while in
school I did pretty much everything; started by coaching swimming, waited tables,
direct sales, telemarketing… you name it. I am one of those people that has no
problem rolling my sleeves and doing whatever it takes.
Yup, I was one of those annoying people that calls at wee hours
It wasn’t until I graduated that I
had an official job (corporate America). I graduated from Kennesaw State
University with a Bachelor in Marketing and BA and LOVED my job at MCI as a
business analyst. After 7 years with the company I decided to make a move and
started working for a British company doing marketing research, lets just say
that was not my best career move, but I got pregnant soon after I started
working there and I have to admit that they were very accommodating to my new
lifestyle once I had Marc.
I never thought I would be a stay
home mom, I love kids, specially mine, but again the idea of having to depend on
somebody else’s paycheck was not something I wanted to do. After having Marc I
went back to work and although crazy at times I was able to be what I consider
a good mom and have a career. Then I had Nora and stared thinking about getting
a nanny, I didn’t want my kids to have a ‘crazy’ life, going from one place to
another without really being able to be babies, toddlers or little kids. I
wanted to offer them the closest thing I could to what I had when I was their
age.
So, I figure if I couldn’t be with
them I wanted them to have someone who they could go to when mommy was not
around. You can see how this was not a good idea, after we started interviewing
for the position I quickly realized I was the only person I would consider for
the job. I didn’t want to miss those precious years, and if I had to have
second thoughts I would much rather ‘regret’ that I put a ‘pause’ on my career
than having to regret I didn’t get to see my kids grow up.
So, the natural thing to do was for
me to quit working, stay home with the kids and once they got older go back to
work. What I didn’t want though is to become my mom, my parents married young
and she never worked after having her first child, four children and many years
later her and dad became empty nesters, and as much as she loved being with us
sometimes I wonder if she would have rather had a career to go back to once we
got older. I look at her and dad and often wonder what their life has turn
into, she was so active taking us from swim practice to swim practice, to
gymnastics to swim meets… whatever it took, now there is an ‘empty’ look about
her as if she is missing something. I don’t want to be 50 years old and find
myself on her shoes.
I hear ‘bigger kids, bigger
problems’ all the time and I wonder when/if there is a good time to go back to
work. I keep looking at my options and I
really want to find something I LOVE so that I can help the family bringing in
some money but at the same time I get to spend time with the kids (I know,
probably asking too much).
There are two things that come to
mind, one of them is coaching; we all know how many coaches there are out
there, some people think that because they attend a two day course and have a
diploma is enough to call themselves ‘coaches’. I think I still have some
things to learn, yes eventually I would love to have a SMALL group of athletes
who I can coach, but I would like to be able to dedicate the time they all
deserve and not do the old ‘copy paste’ many coaches do. I feel as if I am
ready to coach swimming, I have done that a million times and not to say that I
can’t learn anything about swimming but I consider myself pretty knowledgeable
on the topic, but I would like to have one more season under my belt before I
can start helping others with the whole swim/bike/run.
Also, as I said I am not planning
on starting a big coaching company, which means I prob wont be able to make a
whole salary out of this. The other thing that comes to mind and I have thought
about it on the past is teaching, I can’t think of any other job that would
allow me to spend as much time with the kids. I have plenty of friends who
teach Spanish and a couple that teach ESL, I think I would enjoy either one but
will I really love it???
